Finding myself

Recently... i felt that I'm nolonger myself. I dont really know what's wrong with me, but i certainly know that this isn't the real me.
Everything, and i mean even the slightest things seem to annoy me so much, to a point, they get me ponding over little matters for days. Emotions have been building up in me, leading to this blog post. I dont really know how to phrase this mixed feelings, but i guess... a place to splender out my thoughts would make me feel better?

I filled my holiday up with many events, job schedules, meet ups, schools to keep myslef busy. 

Everyday, i wake up to the same routines, same faces. It came to a point where im so tired to even function and all i need is a break.

Initially, i wanted to keep myself occupied, so that this would be a fullfilled holiday. Little did it know, "a busy life is a wasted life" indeed is a fact. I didnt knew what i was doing most of the time and all i wanted, was the day to end as soon as possible.
I became easily upset and i was really affected by every comments made. Everything seems to annoy me and i just wanted to disclose myself from all humans. No one seems to understand how i feel because they just thinks that im PMS-ing and having too much thoughts. I thought i was too, and i hope it's only just the time of the month. I kinda affected the people around me... which i felt really bad, but i cant help it but to feel angry and annoyed at things that dont turn out my way, and i know it's just me.

Im just gonna be honest here, but i really hate how im always trying so hard for everything, for everyone that is not worth. Constantly thinking about how others will feel, maintaining a good personal relation, always putting a 'smiley mask' on myself, and trying to be sociable with everyone. Im really tired of all these 'social skills', these never ending dramas and this hetic life i'm in. 

I hate sharing with others, i hate caring for them, i hate puting a smile on my face, I hate apologizing even though i'm not the one at fault, i hate being seen inferior and i hate everything that i try doing, to make myself feel accepted to the society. 

I guess im just really weak. Thowing tantrum on social medias, crying under the blankets, but not doing anything to change the situation.

People who cared asked if i was okay but i just couldnt tell them how, because honestly, i dont know too. 

Im just really empty inside...