Days like this

Days like this, I wished I had worked a little harder.

Days like this, I wished I had listened a little clearer.

Days like this, I wished I had asked a little deeper.

Days like this, I wish I can be a little wiser...

Why didn't you pick up that book and read it once again?

Why didn't you pursue on the math question you gave up?

Why didn't you have the courage to clarify your doubts?

Well i guess there's no one else to blame, but myself for not being wise enough, for not working hard enough, for... giving up easily.

To be very honest, I have always been struggling with education. Look, who doesn't want to do well in their studies? Get some good ass scholarship and have a prosper career path ahead of them? I have always looked up to people that could do well in both their studies as well as other prospects in their life. Then? Dwell on it and believe that i have no luck for such fortune. But Why? Why haven't I think of turning this "look up" into a motivation? 

I remember telling my parents that I won't want to further my studies after my tertiary education, and thinking back, I hate myself for having such a mindset. I mean, why would i ever think of giving up even before I try? Yes i know being practical is one thing, but why not you try working even harder to pull up your grades? Why not you study a little more than others to do even better? Why not you love what you're doing, and give it a little more effort? And maybe, just maybe.... things will get better, and maybe something interesting would work out?

Well thousand and one uncertainties... but I'm sure this time, I'm ready to put in my best. I'm ready to work my sh*ts together, and definitely ready face this challenge. Prayers to the future success, we shall see it in 2018.

-Ryann Tan