Thankful

"Nothing worth having comes easy"

The semester 2.1 has came to an end, and the results have been released. Definitely there will be people who are happy with theirs and some that are sceptical. To be honest, i wasn't happy with my grades but i wasn't upset about it too. Well i kinda expected myself to do pretty well with the efforts and SLEEPLESS nights, but if i were to do it again, i think i could have put in a little bit more effort, to get better grades. Well, though i really wanna blabber and rant about all the regrets i have made, these aren't the main point of this blog post.

Let's get to topic NOW.

To be honest, i felt really lucky and honored this semester. I mean i wouldn't have gotten such grades with the amount of mistakes i have done. Thinking about it, my lab reports are really "CRAP". Well Mr Allen Liew was right, i didn't understand a single lab that i have done throughout my REE, HMT and FPM, and all i did was bullshitting my way through. Well, i know my own character and i am the type of person who prefers quality over quantity. However, my reports for the sem was legit-ly otherwise.
So i really cant believe that my grades arent affected, and i cant be grateful enough to have receive such blessings.

Moving on, I believed Mr Zul had helped me the most this sem. I used to hate him so much previously that i cursed when i knew he was gonna be my lecturer for a 4 credit module. And whats more, i was so confirmed that i was gonna fail so badly and my gpa's gonna drop like grapes. Thankfully, i was wrong.
I guess it's a blessing in disguise because if it wasnt for the hate-ness i had in him, i wouldnt have started asking him "crappy questions". 

--- A little story time ---

I started off being a really rude kid, kinda.... really really rude. Like i would ask stupid questions such as 'what's a manometer', 'what's pressure', 'can you show me how you calculate again?' And when i realized that he actually answers them, i was taken a step back with my own actions. I mean well, he wasnt really happy with me at first, and always tell the whole lecture room how i "tekan" him with questions during tutorials, but it turned out better when i realized how much i have taken advantage of him.

I changed my attitude towards him, and he became even more helpful than he was, he cleared all my doubts and corrected all my misunderstandings (towards him, and towards the module.) Words cant express how thankful i am to him, and not only did he taught me with a gold heart, he was kind enough to offer me to many other opportunities, like being a tutor, and made me think out of the box. Which is why im really damn grateful to have had him guiding me.

Well, this may came a little shocking, but ZHENG PING helped me out ALOT too. Well, i wasnt jealous about his results, but kinda more to envious. Like how can someone with so much external activities and events, and ccas still do so well in his studies? He sleeps in class, play games and he's just a damn piece of shit ( sorry but ya). So this sem he actually really helped me so much, that i really didnt expect him to be such a person. Even with his busy schedules, he still forks out time to study with me every Thursday, and no matter how tired he is, he will still stay with me till 10/11pm just because i dont wanna go home to study. And though i am really angst-y towards you all the time, i'm really thankful that you were so kind!!! Not only did he calmed me down when i was nervous all the time, he gave me many many tips to memorize theory ( everyone who knows me knows how much i H.A.T.E theory, because i always cannot remember them T.T). But he managed to help me sooooo much, that my grades were decent enough. So thanks broski, you're the (w/ the e) best. <3 <3 <3

*Tag LIM ZHENG PING, i stayed up all night typing this from the bottom of my heart, READ IT*

Though i have already thank you in PM, but i want the whole world of people to know how blessed i have you to back me up, so i boast abit here okk?

Not done!!! Math teacher Miss Lim 

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH). 

Frankly, this is the first time i have put in so much "last min work" for math. I thought my math was really good, until my results showed otherwise. No doubt if there was a most 'wanted-to-block-on-WA' student award, i would have get it from her willingly. I text her math questions daily, hourly, minute-ly and second-ly.

Every second, i will send her a question,
then my solution,
then the answer key solution,
then my other solutions again.
*And these actions repeated for a week/more*

And as a really kind teacher, she checked through all my workings and typed out the misunderstandings/ mistakes i have made. I mean which teacher does this?!?! And whatsmore, she cared that i wasnt sleeping at 1 am (WHOT).

Thank you soooo much Miss Lim!!!

Yes yes.... coming to an end soon. Okay this may come really surprising to you, LY but thank you for following me through my exam period. Honestly speaking before i met you, i really lost all motivations to even try working hard. I watched YouTube everyday, and i was kinda corky that i would do well even without studying, all i think of was how i should spent my holiday, and how i should find a boyfriend to make my life more fulfilling. 

But luckily you came!!! I didn't say this because i like you alot, but you really did gave me the extra boost to study hard. Everyday when i receive "zao an" or "jia you" or "study hard" from you, my motivation level will rise to tip top up there, and it really made studying so much happier and easier for me (well at least i was smiling to myself all the time). And and i guess i wanted to fit up with your standards you have back in JC and didnt wanted to look like i cant study, only like to play, so yep i studied, hard.

Remember the day you went library with me???? Though i was really really REALLY damn tired, but im really very glad you stayed, even though you could have went home to sleep, to dota or to play pokemon go.
Whats more, i wasn't even someone you have known for edges/anyone important to you, so this little acts meant ALOT to me <3.

And so you asked, "Ryann why do you like me?"

Here you have it my dear, I didn't like you because you had muscles, abs, crew cut hair, tiny eyes, perfect teeth, thick lips, dresses nicely, use pick up lines on me, tell me i'm good-looking... and the list goes on,

But i liked you for who you are, for always being at my saddest, weakest and happiest. Though i really have no idea if we will ever get together, but all i wanna let you know that, meeting you, was the best part of my 18. And knowing you, is a true blessing. Thank you for making me feel so special, and for being such a special YOU.
ILY ❤

That's all for this sem, may semester 2.2 be as blissful as this, or even better.

Signing off with love,
Ryann Tan <3

Days like this

Days like this, I wished I had worked a little harder.

Days like this, I wished I had listened a little clearer.

Days like this, I wished I had asked a little deeper.

Days like this, I wish I can be a little wiser...

Why didn't you pick up that book and read it once again?

Why didn't you pursue on the math question you gave up?

Why didn't you have the courage to clarify your doubts?

Well i guess there's no one else to blame, but myself for not being wise enough, for not working hard enough, for... giving up easily.

To be very honest, I have always been struggling with education. Look, who doesn't want to do well in their studies? Get some good ass scholarship and have a prosper career path ahead of them? I have always looked up to people that could do well in both their studies as well as other prospects in their life. Then? Dwell on it and believe that i have no luck for such fortune. But Why? Why haven't I think of turning this "look up" into a motivation? 

I remember telling my parents that I won't want to further my studies after my tertiary education, and thinking back, I hate myself for having such a mindset. I mean, why would i ever think of giving up even before I try? Yes i know being practical is one thing, but why not you try working even harder to pull up your grades? Why not you study a little more than others to do even better? Why not you love what you're doing, and give it a little more effort? And maybe, just maybe.... things will get better, and maybe something interesting would work out?

Well thousand and one uncertainties... but I'm sure this time, I'm ready to put in my best. I'm ready to work my sh*ts together, and definitely ready face this challenge. Prayers to the future success, we shall see it in 2018.

-Ryann Tan