Maybe, just maybe....

It's another ordinary saturday. Or... maybe its one that we decided to start the conversation on. I didnt wanted it to make it seem as though i'm trying to sour the relationship or make it a tough position for you. Instead, I just wanted to voice out my thoughts...

Its hearten to know that someone cares whenever i'm down, but you never understood my point of view. To you, i'm just a selfish, self centered person that cares only for myself. Sometimes i wonder why do you even bother asking if i'm okay? Maybe it all lies back to the living environment i grew up in. Being the youngest in the family, siblings love, parents love, pemperings like a princess have always been a norm. To the extend i guess it has changed me into a whole new person.

I didnt only realise this recently, but everytime when i'm out with my friends, the very first thing they think of are their siblings. Whether they like it, or if the item suits them. But... on the other hand, i'm always the one looking for things that i like, and consistantly thinking about myself.

I've tried to change, telling myself to prioritize you than anything else, but things just never turn out the way it's planned to be. In turn i get comments like
"why cant you think more about your family?"
"why cant you be like her to love your siblings more?"
"why cant you be like her to be a responsible child?"
And this was where emotions start to kick in.

Recently, someone important to my brother came into our life, dont get me wrong, she's really a nice person, but things started to seem a little different. I'm no longer the center of attention in family days, the amount of love i feel from you and everyone else is so much lesser. So i start to question myself, and came to realise that ultimately, these love that i used to have are shared with someone even more special than i am... Whenever i try to hint about my feelings, i dont get the genuine care i used to have, but instead, a scold for ruining a "happy" family day out. And even if i successfully voice out my thoughts, you try to talk your way through to make it seem as though things have never change. In fact, have you ever stand in my point of view?
Yes i know that its important to make someone feel welcomed and loved in a new environment, a new family. But dont you think you are doing a little too much? To the extend you negleted your little girl?

I guess its where words are vague, that you didnt really get my point. But i really want you to know things have changed so much. There's really nothing i can do to show you how much i miss the warmth, care and love i used to have, because all you care about, is whether she felt welcomed in this family. 

Love,
Ryann