Rejection

Rejection

rɪˈdʒɛkʃ(ə)n/

noun

the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.

"the Union decided last night to recommend rejection of the offer"

synonyms: refusal, non-acceptance, declining, turning down, no, dismissal, spurning,rebuff; More

the action of spurning a person's affections.

"some people are reluctant to try it, because they fear rejection"

and yes, I guess this is me.... I fear rejection, and I hate it. Many told me that rejection is really normal and I should put it down and continue my journey. But.. Each time, these rejections doesn't give me the motivation and courage to work harder. Setbacks are there, meant to make you stronger and fight harder for your dreams, but this isn't the case anymore. It hurts, it makes me fear and doubt my abilities. It takes away all the confidence I once had in me and I doubt this is making me stronger. The passion I once had is gone, the confidence I had in dance is all gone. I thought this would be my turning point in this new environment, but I’m wrong.

I'm still that old me, always losing to other at everything, the old useless individual that fear every setbacks. And I know this sucks. I hate changes. I fear the unknown....

Well, today i got rejected for auditioning the few lead characters in an upcoming musical. Working with that particular choreographer is a damn freaking rare chance and so i wanted to get those position so badly. I guess another main point was that i wanted to be able to proof to everyone else that i so am a good dancer too. But the fact is that no, I’m not. I'm not even near there. And i should stop thinking that I’m actually good.

To a point that I'm ready to give up, telling myself that this dream will never come true. All those are lies, I'm never a good dancer, and never the first choice. In this society, no one sees your hard work, and those that claims to see are just pitying you. They once told me to never die dream. But it's the truth that dreams are ultimately dreams. Some dreams are not meant to come true...

Sigh. I doubt I’ll still have the drive to continue. I think i need a break.